The Johns

I originally thought TMBG consisted of the gifted and pulchritudinous John Linnell...and some other cute guy named John as well. As I catch up on the years of TMBG I missed, I have developed a tremendous appreciation for and admiration of that other cute guy, the brilliant John Flansburgh.  Each John brings something special to the TMBG table and the results are impressive, to say the least.

In addition to making accordion playing sexy and super-cool, musically ambidextrous John L plays a variety of reed, keyboard and string instruments. He has an obsession with melody and harmony, does about half of the songwriting and singing for TMBG (the latter being executed with the most enchanting elocution I have ever heard), and is frequently the focus of TMBG’s earlier music videos. He's usually featured singing, sometimes playing an instrument, and almost always jumping and flailing about in a display of, shall we say, unusual choreographic skill. (That's not a criticism; I thoroughly enjoy watching him do his unconventional thing.)

You’d think since John L is the more visible of the Johns on-screen, he would be the more gregarious John.  While the camera loves him and he certainly comes out of his shell when it's on, he seems rather quiet and reserved when the spotlight is off. John F is definitely the more outgoing of the two Johns, doing most of the talking at shows and more likely to be found socialising with fans afterward. He also does more PR-type stuff, like his DJ gig on Tap Project Radio.

John F plays the guitar and a variety of other instruments, including keyboards and drums.  He tends to write the more politically/socially conscious material for TMBG and has a few music videos of his own. I've noticed that most of the TMBG songs he sings or is heavily involved in are more jazzy/bluesy/funky. I love that! With songs like “She's Actual Size” “The Guitar” and “Pet Name,” I have come to appreciate John F's genius and voice just as much as I do John L’s. Then there's his side project, Mono Puff, which is the most funkaliciously awesome thing I have ever heard.  "Creepy" from It's Fun to Steal is my absolute favourite Mono Puff song (actually, it's tied with "Dedicated"), but I like almost everything they've done. I am completely enamoured of both Johns.

From everything I’ve seen/read/heard, the Johns seem like really nice guys who, in spite of their stellar musical abilities and tremendous success, don’t have big heads; who are grateful they get to do what they love every day, even if it is sometimes (usually?) exhausting; who truly appreciate their fans; and who are humble enough to still sometimes wonder at their extraordinary appeal. Speaking of appeal...

While their talent alone is riveting, there's a physical aspect to the Johns' allure as well. In addition to stuffing my ears with TMBG, I’ve had the pleasure of ogling hundreds of pictures of the Johns from the early days to the present day, as well as seeing them live. (I especially like the more recent pictures of them in suits; they clean up real nice.) Despite the passage of time, one thing remains the same: they are, and always will be, top-shelf eye candy.  I am not alone in my observation of their fairness, as you will find many a female fan (and probably a few male fans, too) swooning over these good-looking men in blogs and sites all over the net. You know, kind of like this one.

John L is as much a work of art as Winged Victory of Samothrace (I'm not much for "art", but she's absolutely magnificent) and should be enjoyed as such: ardently admired and never touched, lest Louvre security come and put you in a sleeper hold. I've heard John L is a bit like me, needful of a large radius of personal space and, due to that fact, most likely possessed of a distaste for being touched by unfamiliar persons. Heck, I don't even want to be touched by some people I do know.

Anyway, John L has the most gorgeous wavy dark brown hair and whether it’s “The Statue Got Me High” long or “Birdhouse In Your Soul” short, it’s irresistible. He has beautiful brown eyes, which you can get a great view of in the video for “Birdhouse.” He’s devastatingly handsome, tall (well, I guess everyone seems tall when you’re only 5'), and skinny, which is a recipe for total hotness in my book. And he sometimes wears glasses—double hot. Then there’s that charming smile. Top it all off with his distinctive, amazing voice and I believe you have the perfect man. [Insert pedestal here.] I think John L is particularly appealing to me because he shares so many physical traits with my super-delicious husband, right down to the glasses. I strongly suspect they may share a few personality traits as well.

John F vacillates between being pinch-his-cheeks adorable and totally hot, like in “Ana Ng” where he reminds me of a young Elvis Costello—only much more visually appealing. I like both looks, so I honestly don't know that I could choose one over the other. I've come to love John F's voice as much as I do John L's and, just like John L, John F wears glasses, which ups his hotness factor. Major bonus points for being a lefty--lefties are sexy. Really, though, John F impresses me as the sweet sort of guy a gal is best friends with from childhood to adulthood, at which point she is struck by the revelation she’s loved him all along so they get married and live happily ever after. The end.